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it's 2009 and we talk over IM like we're best friends in a different room. it's 2011 and we send links back and forth like an exchanging of gifts with hands never brushing. it's 2013 and we follow each other's blogs. 2015 and we still email every week or two, replies getting longer and longer. 2017 radio silence. 2019 radio silence. 2021 and we message again, brief and apologetic. i feel the love in all your words as much as i ever did. do you know anybody like that? do you remember what it felt like to love them from such a distance, one which lengthens as it shortens? you felt so far away through IM and yet you were a room away and breathing. you feel so close through our messages now and yet we are half the world apart. each and every one of you, a lifetime away. do you know how that feels? |
come back to me, i want to say. things can't change that much. the world can't change so much that you feel different to me. that i see more of your life than ever and i know you so much less. i still love you, i want to say. you matter to me. i knew you in darkness and i would recognize you from a word. you saw me in your own mirror and i saw you in mine. i typed my messages feverishly, each of them a prayer. i read yours like a devotional. i knew you, i know you, i miss you. i miss myself, the version of me that could love so fiercely over time and space. come back to me, i want to say, when i mean that i miss myself. come home. |
anyway, at the end of everything, i respect all the changes. we've all lived through them, one day at a time. one post after another. url changes. drafted messages. cryptic posts and a thousand sunsets. there's still a world and we're still in it. wherever we are. |